So often for it … to be kinda intelligent, but I’m not - the chocolate goes, as it would be water into my body, in other words, active killing myself. I’m really upset with myself.

What a completely screwed up thing to write in the open, but it’s true and embarrassment doesn’t change the actual “stupidity status”.

The weather gets on my nerves too, windy and dark all day long, I’m way to tired. I drove my bike for a round, at least catched a smile from a nice looking woman jogging, but with being me, it’s really hard to even think about a relationship, how I’m keeping it together.

I don’t want to be a burden, I want to be partner, where both sides are capable of supporting each other, “grow” together and getting old.

I had a nice chat with my neighbor, brought the horses carrots, tried to be there for my daughter. She’s still sick, but the signs are point towards recovery.

Many positive, constructive day dreams, but no money shows up to support them.